Left or Right?!

Sigh… wondering why I start this post with…. a long… sigh…… My feelings and emotions totally not in my control since three weeks ago. I know but I just let it be because I hope there would be a time where I will totally let it all out one day. I know what I should and what I shouldn’t do but I’m just not doing it. Ended torturing myself and the others.What I know is from my head and what I want is from my heart. I tend to follow what my heart’s telling me to do though I know so clearly what my head’s telling me is right. I’m so tired of thinking so much.
I’m telling myself that I will leave it to God and trust Him for the rest but am I actually doing it? At this moment, who else can I can believe except God but how many of us will actually really believe in God at this kind of situation? Perhaps we do, but why is it still so hard for us to make a decision at a critical moment? Well, I hope I won’t THINK that I WILL trust God for the rest but I WILL trust God for the rest.
Keeping so much that I couldn’t tell. Doing and saying so much that I shouldn’t do. Listening to what all my friends tell me is right and what is wrong, what I should and what I shouldn’t sometimes just made me annoyed. I know I shouldn’t but I have my feelings. Ain’t it’s good at least I let them know that I’m frustrated? Ain’t it’s more than enough? Sigh… no, it’s not but never mind.
I have enough of advice and it gets me so tired. I don’t want to have the same sickness again where I nearly gone crazy because I’m thinking too much when I was 18. Hhmm… oh my… Now I do actually know that I can’t control my emotions sometimes and it gets just so serious.
It’s not that I don’t trust God anymore. But I just need someone who can really understand what I’m doing instead of telling me what I’m doing is wrong. I think I’m old enough to differentiate what is right and what is not right but I’m offended. I’m truly understand their concern for me.