Thank God for saving my life

First of all I would like to thank God for saving my life today. I was still so sleepy even though I had 8 hours sleeping time. Without thinking much I woke up as usual as the alarm rang and prepared to work. It’s not something new or strange that I don’t feel like going to work every morning because I need more sleep! When I went down to get my car, it’s raining! My feeling was terrible. Sigh… I still had to drive 30 over km to the office. When it was about 5km before I reached the office, the cute little kancil in front of me stepped so hard on the brake and I followed. When my foot was still on the brake I heard something and I was trying to find out what was it suddenly there was something came from my mind told me to release the brake then only I realised the sound came from my tyre. The road was so slippery and my steering nearly lost control. Thank God that I released the brake immediately. Then I noticed another scarier thing. I was holding my steering with my right hand alone and it wasn’t held properly. Thank God again for that. I wasn’t driving fast ar… It’s just a normal speed less than 70km/h in first lane. Cars were chasing behind and I was still taking my own sweet time to drive slowly and safely.

Lastly, I think I need to change the tyres already. Hehe...

a big thank you!!

I wonder why you want to force me to make this kind of decision. I've given you more than a month to think and choose what you want to be and where you want to go. I really didn't know this would be my last decision. Please don't blame me for treating you this way. I have no more patience for you. I've given you options but still this is what you've chosen. Losing you isn't something I'm worried about anymore. You know what is wrong and what is right. I've taught I could and I think I'm too young to teach that's why you've never listened! You're the one who chose and made what's happened today. It's been so many year I've cried for you. I can swear now not anymore. Didn't know that I'm smiling while typing this. Have I gone crazy? I guess not. I'm sure I'm not. I'm not angry anymore. I do worry but not you anymore. What I care isn't you anymore. When I cry wouldn't be for you anymore. I even found this is so challenging. I have not much to say but...

A BIG THANK YOU!!

That's all for you and I...

Noodle

I don't feel well since yesterday. Sorethroat and fever again. So I went to see doctor earby my office to get my MC. I sat in the clinic and wait for about 1/2 an hour after the registration. There were a few couples were waiting for their turns too. Before my turn there were a parents with a kid went in and had their consultation for 10 minutes. Yes, it's quite a long time for a normal patient to have their consultation for 10 minutes. So, I had a rest while waiting and heard a conversation by a couple sitted beside me.

Woman : Wah... one whole family went in.
Man : Sure lah, the kid with the parents along.
Woman : Wa... So long.
Man : Sure lah, paid one mah. Sure need to ask until satisfied lor. Need to be so long or not oh... So long...

Sigh... I wonder why they came to the clinic. Every were waiting for their turns just like them but why other patients can wait so patiently but there're this kind of people who can be so selfish and said all these things. Really wonder what did they said when I was having my consultation. When I came out they looked at me and I stared at them then they looked at other places. Guess how long they were in there? It's more than 5 minutes. They're still in the room even after I left. I really wonder how they will think of themselves for being so impatient and so selfish while talking.

Really want to cook something for myself to eat at this time. So I went to market and bought the ingredients. Sigh... there's nothing much I could eat so I bought some noodle and ikan bilis. I boiled some soup with the fishes and then the noodle. Oh man!! Why I can't find any salt in this house? Without salt how to cook? Sigh... So I used soy sauce and it tastes so different. Sigh... Sigh... Never mind since I'm sick. I ate it for two times. Only the soup with the noodle. Nothing else. Don't know whether you can eat this for whole day. I can...

So this was the noodle I cooked for myself when I'm sick.

How is it? Haha... How many times you can eat this a day?

Chinese New Year

While looking at my friend's blog in Friendster, suddenly "Chinese New Year" prompted from my mind. It's getting near and it's only another three months to go. It's my twentyfourth CNY. CNY supposed to be the happiest moment for everyone especially the young ones. We will get lots of ang paos from the married ones. We will a lot of food during the CNY Eve. For my family, the kids will change to new pyjamas before they went to bed. Then the next morning we might get our ang paos from all kinds of ways. Even under our pillows. My aunty will want us to greet her with some good words (is it proverbs or what? I don't know). So before we slept we will think of what to say tomorrow. Every year got me so nervous because I'm always the most lousy one and couldn't say anything.

This year, I get so afraid. Not nervous at all because in my record in these few years, I never had a CNY which I can consider the happiest CNY of the year. Not happy at all. Is it because I'm getting lesser of ang paos? No... it''s because Every CNY there will be at least a day my family will argue with each other about something. Anything. In these few years, never a year we will have a complete family reunion. Everyone go out to have their own activities. I don't like to eat when I see lots of food on the table and when there're too many people around me. It'll really spoild my appetites when I see all these.

How to reunion when everyone is not around? How to reunion when everyone is not happy with each other? I would be very happy when it comes to the end of the CNY of the year. Can I get my away from the CNY in the future?

It's all rubbish!!

“Why other people can borrow money from someone I can’t? Why other people always have second but you don’t even want to give me a chance? When you did something wrong we didn’t say anything but now when we did wrong you being so cruel to me? Last time he borrowed money also why you didn’t say anything about it?”

I’m really so disappointed with you. I have no idea how to help you anymore. I have no more money to help you. I really don’t like people always borrow money from other people. In the end trouble the whole family. Threaten me. Told me that you want to die, will go away, or whatever it is. I don’t care and I won’t care! Why will you have this trend to borrow money? Why can’t you find a better such as find a job instead of going here and there to look for money while everybody don’t even want to lend you a single cent? You’re 40 over years old, until when you want to borrow money from other people? We always asked you to look for a better job instead of working for yourself but you never even bother to listen! We’ve told you that if you still want to continue doing things this way. You’ve been relying on other people for so many years and we’ve been helping you for so many times. We’re tired. It’s not that we didn’t want to help, but what more if we don’t even have enough for ourselves? I can’t stand you both doing things in such a stupid way. Don’t tell me that you don’t understand what we’re talking about. You’re not that stupid!

Can you imagine how much we’ve been helping you? Can you see how other people trying so hard to help and work just to survive until end of the month? Tell me what you’ve done for yourself? What you’re doing for yourself? Even a 22 year-old lazy man who loves to spend money everyday will try his best to look for money by working two jobs a day. He even told me that he has to work if he wants to spend. Why can’t you? If you want to compare yourself with other people, so let me compare you with someone else. Don’t you feel ashamed of yourself? Your life has never been better since the day I started to know you. Everyone has to work and not sitting at home to wait for the “chance” to fly to you! There’s nothing other people can do for you. Who doesn’t want to be a boss if he can? I also want to working for myself as a boss but if I know now I can’t, I won’t! This is not the first time already. Who is going to help you if you don’t help yourself and listen to what other people teach you? All the things you’re telling me were just rubbish. I won’t listen. Don’t blame me if you find me is not helping you anymore!! It’s not that I don’t want to help. It’s that I really don’t dare to help you anymore. Just assume that I’m being cruel to you.

So pissed me off!! Why?!

Why is there such a person? Why when I care for you, you don't even bother to appreciate what I have done for you? All these years you have made me feel so ashamed to have you in my life. I don't even dare to see you. I really don't know how to care for you anymore. In all these years I thought what I have done for you, you would really appreciate. What I've said to you, you would really think about it. How would I know that what I've done since 13 were just all in vained. I really feel so tired. I realised that I start to hate you. When will you start to be someone you should be? Why would want to make everybody around you start avoiding you? Will you be happy with what you're doing right now?

Why don't you work but keep relying on other people? How long will other people stand by you to help you? Do you think this is the right way to live a life? No one shall eat without working. If this continues, I will never want to care about you anymore. If you think this is still the thing you
should and want to do, so sorry... Please don't ever come back to me anymore. I really don't know how to help you anymore. You have ruined my life. You have ruined my everything in my life.

Since you're so afraid to let me know what you've done and what you're doing then why still do? Do you know it's just so easy for me to know what you've done and what you're doing? Do you know why are you so afraid to see me? Do you know why are you so afraid to ask me for help? Do you know why other people don't even want to tell you that they don't like you? You don't even want to tell the truth. Always tell lies. I wonder why there would be such a person. When will you change? It's been so many years!!! Please! I have no more ways to help you. How I wished I could get rid of you from my life. Please go....

很难做决定。。。

时间过得真是快。会发生的都会发生。而我就无论发生了什么事情都要勇敢的去面对。一直都很想知道拥有你的感觉是如何。真没想到我不知不觉间已经有了你。烦恼也增加了许多。很烦！很烦！我一直都不敢告诉别人。怕他们会取笑我。但，如果要把你放气的话我又很怕痛。听人说会很痛！严重的可能要开刀！要吓死人咩？我到底该不该把你生下？如果将你带到来这个世上又怕你会影响到我的生活。但，我有不舍得把你放气。我也会把你好好照顾。怎么样讲你也是我的第一次也是我的最亲。怎样？我该不该把你生下？我到底该不该把你生下？还是要当什么都没发生过？原来拥有你会有这种感觉！


智慧牙。。。